Father’s Day In Heaven

Hi Everyone... it’s been 6 months this week, June 7th since my husband went to be with the Lord. Time to start writing again. When I think of my dear husband “up there”, I see him holding court, having great talks with people he loved, and with those he hadn’t met yet... My Ed never met my Dad or my Grandpa Walker and that was a huge loss here and a huge win “up there”! He hadn’t met my Grandma Grove or seen my cousin Joan, my Aunt Gracie, Aunt Lahoma, Cousin Wanda, or my cousin Michael. He hadn’t seen his Mom in over 30 years!  He hadn’t seen his Uncle Lenny, Aunt Julia, nor so many other relatives he loved and missed.  He had recent losses too, like Aunt Rhoda who we all just loved to pieces and then recently Mona’s Morrie and Maureen’s Dad Hal, who I still can’t believe is gone.
So I picture my Ed having his people all around, just like he always wanted it, and that they are ALL celebrating the holidays the way we did, eating to their hearts content. I just hope God’s people...angels make tzimmes as good as Cousin Mona , Brisket as good as Aunt Rhoda, and Fried Chicken as good as my Grandma Grove. I hope that Aunt Dot has the angels make her Chocolate Potato Cake we all loved. Oh yes! I sure hope Grandma Walker has her Angels doing the Apple Cake and Rum Cake she was known for. ( I do believe in miracles, but it is SO hard to think anyone/spirit could make gravy and biscuits as good as Grandma Grove’s or her Blackberry Cake.)
I have been assured that all of our wishes come true in heaven, so I choose to believe. I believe all ailments are healed, all hurts are forgiven, all love is there for our loved ones and for us to tap into as much as possible. I know my Daddy and Eddie will be having fun on Father’s Day this coming weekend. And that they will miss us too... just maybe not quite as much as we miss them.
When I’m so sad or start to sink into a melancholy state, I let myself feel it for awhile, but then I realize I’ll see them all again. That brings me peace and joy and makes me smile thinking of the party they are having and how they are still enjoying keeping an eye on us.  I ask for help from them all to help me raise my college age children as a single Mom, to become women of grace, joy and dignity, and to trust God’s got this. I ask for inspiration, good ideas, doors to fly open in my career, for a direction to be revealed, energy, good health, peace of mind, healing and a resurgence of success to help me heal the world, help my family and friends, (and to be able to afford something nice I can live in in California, that’s bigger than a quarter of the size of my current house, but is less than half the price!)
Those our loved ones didn’t want to leave behind, are us... we are everywhere. You never know how much pain or what a burden individuals are carrying. You just can’t  know. In the Jewish Faith there is a black Satin Mourning Pin that’s torn on the bottom to signify that this person in the immediate family is experiencing grief and mourning, so it would be nice to try to be especially kind to them. I love this tradition.  I say let’s try to do that as much of the time as we can remember to do it.
Life is too short, isn’t it, for crazy grudges and stress?
(I need to pay attention to what I’m writing because it’s easier said than done... we forget!!)
So I’m off to Europe to remember. History, kindness, other cultures... To experience anew, and to spend precious time with my children and friends. It goes by so so fast. Time to make memories.  I’ll be back soon and will work the rest of the summer to pay for what wasn’t on Marriott Points! LOL.

Love to All,

XOXOXO Tonja

4 comments on “Father’s Day In Heaven”

  1. JAMES BOGGIE Reply

    Truly sorry for your loss. I’m glad that you have your faith and love to hold on to. It is truly a gift, and can help make the unbearable bearable. It has helped me when suffering losses of my own. Wish you and your daughters all the best in moving forward.

  2. Carol Dowling Reply

    What a wonderful letter of love, faith and hope. It hits close to home for me too because I lost my dad to pancreatic CA too, and 3 months ago my mom to complications of untreated sleep apnea. I was a caregiver to both, stopped my career for the blessings of spending their last years with them. You explained beautifully the emotions a person goes through. I hope you have a wonderful healing vacation in Europe, and come back to GH or another show soon. God bless…

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